Tuesday, February 10th, 2015 8:16 am

The refuge seems to be getting more and more uninhabitable as the week progresses. Piper’s sobbing awoke me this morning, but I was able to put her back to sleep after cuddling with her for a while. She and Thomas, my eldest son, really need the rest due to their sleeplessness for the past few days. I made my way through the heaps of people. What used to be Paradise Beach Club, is now a shelter for hundreds of homeless and worn out souls. There are mounds of people everywhere: families, lost children, the elderly. There are old, young, sick, healthy, once rich, always poor. We are all the same, a ragged heap of humans without a goal. I exit the building and head to China Beach.

The beach wasn't as crowded as I had expected it to be. I guess people were still tired from all the work from Monday. I remembered for a moment the long line of newcomers, how we had spent long hours completing relocation paperwork and also trying to tend to the sick. At the beach today, I had to meet up with the mayor before looking for some breakfast, since more and more people were arriving at the refuge and it would soon be full. We talked for around ten minutes, which was a relatively small amount of time taking into account that I am his secretary. He looked awfully tired, as if he hadn't slept for days, and he wasn't the only one. Running this place is killing us all. I suggested that he rest as much as he could, leaving me in charge. He walked away from me, in a defeated sort of pace and I went back to check on my children. They were already awake by the time I arrived, so I took them with me to look for food at a nearby forest. We would find something, if we were lucky enough. I  am hopeful that these troublesome times will come to an end.

Monday, February 16th, 2015 7:48 pm

Thomas woke up this morning with a terrible flu that has not allowed him to get out of bed. There are so many people that need to be looked after at the refuge that it’s unbearable. There is not enough medicine for everyone, and whenever the government sends packages to shelters like ours, they run out in no time. How do they expect us to survive under such conditions? A few doctors here and there improvise and have managed to cure a small percentage of the hundreds that currently reside here, but it is not enough and viruses spread quickly. The toughest part is having to leave Piper with Thomas in order to attend my daily morning meeting with the mayor, that consists of the same concerns each time that do not seem to have any solution. This afternoon I mentioned Thomas’s state to Mr. Robinson, my neighbor back when tragedy had not struck our lives.

“I’m worried that he’ll get worse each day,” I mumbled. I was feeling tired and did not really want to speak with anyone.

“He’s a strong boy, Samantha. You know he’ll manage. Hasn't the mayor offered you anything from the medicine box he keeps?” He scratched his chin as if I actually knew what he was talking about, and was just being oblivious to the fact that some medicine remained from the last packages. I suddenly felt wide awake and interested in what the old man was telling me.

“Medicine? The last time we spoke he told me that we were in urgent need of more and needed to contact the government as soon as possible.” I still could not believe that there was any left and was being kept by the mayor!

“Listen,” he leaned closely and lowered his voice so that no one else around would hear our conversation, “I am not sure whether anyone else knows that for sure, but I did hear some rumors and kind of actually saw him carrying three or four packages to his dormitory late at night.”

That bastard! People were in need of the medicine now, why would he want to keep it for himself? I needed to take action, but even after several years of working for him, I am still unable to confront him about anything. When I went back to check on Thomas and Piper, Thomas was severely ill and pale, and when Piper had her first sneeze, that was it for me. I told them mommy would be right back, and made my way outside of the refuge. The air was oddly cold, but I didn't mind because I could feel the determination in my veins. I looked around to make sure there was no one to be seen at a short distance and walked through the small path that lead to the mayor’s thrown-together dormitory. I took a deep breath and gently pushed the wooden door into the tiny room. No mayor. This was my chance to retrieve some medicine for my son. The packages were not difficult to find, probably because I know the mayor so well. While opening the package and searching for something that would cure Thomas, I felt some sort of remorse and thought what would be the repercussions of my actions. I was literally stealing from my boss. My thoughts made me stop for a minute when unexpectedly the door cracked open. The mayor could not believe his eyes.

Thursday, February 19th, 2015 8:50 am

       Yesterday was once again a routinely sleepless night for me. I tossed and turned, even tried walking in the limited space in our room. Why was it becoming so hard to sleep? Was it the constant nightmares that kept coming to me? How much did I actually miss my old life? Similar thoughts flooded my mind throughout the next two dark and cold hours.

      I wanted to relieve, to at least be able to picture everything that was taken away from me, my neighbors, San Francisco… I spotted my aged bag in a corner, another piece of my past. Would there be something to me of how at least the city used to look like before the earthquake hidden in a remote place inside the bag? Curiosity consumed me and I got up to get the forgotten item.

      A nostalgic sigh left my lips as I spread the contents of the bag on the floor; nothing caught my attention except for my unused phone. It had not been necessary to use it after the earthquake and I had failed to recall its existence, but right now this was the only way to see everything once again.

     I rummaged through the bag and found the charger in one of the many pockets it has inside. The phone was plugged and it turned on again, after almost a month of being abandoned. I made my way to the pictures immediately; our house, Piper and Thomas, the city, the undisturbed beach, the San Francisco Bridge…

      You are probably wondering what it all looked like if you have not been to San Francisco, or maybe you are reading the blog and want, just as me, to remember. Go ahead and take a peak, just consider that the bridge is no longer there anymore, and will probably never be.

Monday, February 23rd, 2015 5:56 pm

“Samantha, what are you doing here,” he managed to say.

       “I…uhm…was looking for some papers but I just remembered I have them stored in the office,” I sounded dubious as I answered but my fake smile appeared convincing.

       “All right, all right, now go to sleep dear you look tired,” he reassuringly said under his breath.

       “I gladly will. You look tired Sir, please go to sleep as well and have a good night.”

As I swiftly made my way out of his room and into the ice cold night without any medication for Thomas, my thoughts about the encounter with the major engrossed me. Should I confront him about the medication? Should I still trust him by ignoring the fact that he is fooling us? Did he actually steal the provisions? With a troubled mind I entered my room, saw my two angels sleeping and decided to go to sleep myself.

______________________

Thomas has not improved at all; the lack of medicine is not only affecting him, many are close to death. Then again, medicine has not become the only problem we have been trying to overcome lately. All of a sudden, not to my surprise really, we have been receiving less canned goods and water from the government aids, cutting an entire meal, leaving us with only two small ones per day. The worst part is knowing that my own children are going to bed hungry, and when they wake up and have breakfast, that same hunger does not leave.

Only two or three people look healthier than the rest of us do, as bewildered as I am, the mayor and his teenage son are two out of the total three, being the head cook the last one. Are they stealing and smuggling the food from the refugee? Could the major, “the best man in town,” be starving the rest of us in order to survive? No Samantha, these thoughts are repugnant and unacceptable you have worked with the man for almost 8 years. You know he´s not capable of such atrocities. But he did keep the medicine in his room, he kept from the sick…

Tuesday, March 1st, 2015 2:35 pm

I opened the door and found myself looking at my front yard, where Piper and Thomas had been playing and running around since early in the morning. It was a beautiful day; neighbors were out taking their pets for a walk, flowers were blossoming to let everyone know how vivid they were, bees buzzed around and you could hear several birds chirp to each other from a distance. There was a slight breeze that made a warm day like this feel pleasant but there was something... something did not feel right. Thomas and Piper kept playing together when Mr. Robinson came by to say hi and have a quick chat. The sky darkened quickly and had a purplish color near the clouds. It’ll probably rain soon, I thought to myself. I told my children to get inside as soon as it started raining, even though we weren’t exactly in the rainy season. Rain poured, and the house got cold, when suddenly, it struck. The fright and terror consumed me as houses crumbled that looked as fragile as a pyramid of cards. In just a couple of minutes, the amount of dead or missing people went from hundreds... to thousands... to millions. People ran around in the streets and more than one car crash could be heard from far away. As I grabbed Piper and Thomas’s arm and exited the once-safe home, I woke up. Nightmares have not left my sleep from the day it actually happened.

Several more have died this week, and I can’t stop myself from wondering for how long this torture will go on. I am aware that we are doing better than lots of other refuges, but that doesn’t stop me from being constantly concerned when it comes to my children, or even Mr. Robinson who has not been feeling well recently. I never would have imagined that an earthquake could cause such damage to so many people. Families who once had it all, have been reduced to nothing.

I have not spoken to the mayor about the time he found me in his room while looking for some medicine that would cure Thomas. I suppose he did not expect me to be there for that reason, anyway. Doubts on the mayor keep emerging every time I see him, which only makes it more difficult to anticipate any good deeds from him. In times like these, uncertainty fills all the refugees’ minds, including mine. I decide to confront him after dinner, I can’t suppress the thought that if he is capable of hiding medicine from all of us, he could be hiding even more.

“How is Thomas doing, Samantha? Has he gotten any better? You wanted to speak to me, didn’t you?” His left eye twitched as he spoke, and it took it as a sign that his sudden “interest” on my son was just an act. It angered me that he would have the nerve to ask anything similar to that knowing that he could do something about it.

“He’s the same, but thanks for asking,” I told him with a straight face “I... I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go ahead,” he seemed fearless but calm, and that made me decide to come clean.

“You know, the other day when I was in your room, I was actually looking for the medicine that I know you have hidden. Why wouldn’t you tell any of us when you knew how bad things are?”

As soon as I finished speaking, I regretted it. It was not my place to ask him questions of that sort. He was the mayor, after all, and I was just his secretary.

“Samantha, I knew what you were doing, and I’m sorry to tell you that I have my own reasons to do what I do. Also, I am afraid that just by knowing that you may know too much and questioning me like this only proves to me that you doubt my actions and I can’t work with someone who won’t be loyal to me. I appreciate your years of work for me, but I’m going to have to fire you and ask you to leave the refuge,” answered the mayor.

I was stunned by his answer, but I did as he said. The man I had admired for so many years turned out to be a completely different person, but I suppose that it is the effect that disasters and tragedies have on people. I was heartbroken, but there was nothing more that I could do, and perhaps I could find a somewhat better refuge for my children and I. As I turned my back and headed to the refuge, I heard a click that frightened me. I turned around to where I had been talking to the mayor, and he pulled the trigger of the gun he had been pointing at me.